This documentary - which focuses on film-maker Sue Bourne's mother, who has Alzheimer's, and how the family has coped with her condition - has had a mixed critical reaction. Most agree that it's "difficult to watch", but some have found it "uplifting", while others clearly hate it, feeling it's far too intrusive.
The following preview is courtesy of BBC:
Film-maker Sue Bourne has a string of successful documentaries to her name, most recently Cutting Edge's My Street, Wedding Days and the Emmy-nominated The Falling Man. With Mum and Me, Sue has turned the cameras on her own family to produce a searing, honest, funny, tragic, yet ultimately uplifting, documentary. Filmed over three years with her teenage daughter, Holly, Mum and Me is the story of how Sue and her family have fumbled along, trying to come to terms with her mother's Alzheimer's.
"I thought long and hard about whether to make this film and expose myself, my mother and my daughter," says Sue. "But I realised there was something special about mum and her Alzheimer's, because she's taught us to laugh in the face of adversity. She refuses to be miserable or self-pitying and through it all has retained her sense of humour. Everything I'd seen about Alzheimer's was devastatingly miserable, so I wanted this film to show that, in spite of Alzheimer's, you can still laugh together and have fun."
Sue's widowed mother, Ethel (pictured, centre) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's six years ago and now lives in a nursing home in Ayr, Scotland. Once a month, Sue (pictured, left) makes the 800-mile round trip from London to visit her - sometimes with her daughter, Holly (pictured, right). This film tells the story of those visits, the conversations, the daily phone calls and the little holidays the three of them have had.
Good times and bad times are described with equal honesty, and it's a brave film that pulls no punches as it explores what Alzheimer's does to someone's mind and the toll it takes on the family.
Mum and Me will strike a chord with many people - it's about family and love and the final commentary encapsulates the spirit of the film.
"I want mum to live for ever and ever just the way she is," says Sue. "But, sadly, I know this won't happen. Her Alzheimer's means she's going to get worse. All Holly and I can hope for is that in the time we've got left the three of us will laugh some more together."
I was so shocked by this documentary I complained to the BBC. Sue and Holly ought to be ashamed of themselves for the way in which they treated Ethel. To film her mother sitting on a toilet seat, telling her how much she soiled the bed and smelled was a disgrace. They had absolutely no respect for Ethel. My mother has alzheimers and I would never treat her like that. In my opinion it was a form of elder abuse.
June 5th - 3:51pmJody Limbrick said...
This programme was fantastic. I think Sue & Holly should be congratualted on how well they both cope with their grandmothers illness. For people to say it is cruel is just down right ridiculous. I truly believe that for any human being this disease is the hardest to deal with. To have your own mother not recognise you must be so incredibly hurtful, so why not make light of the situation. In cases like this you must laugh in order not to cry. Sue did everything possible for her mother and was far more compassionate than most people would be. This programme was truly fantastic and I think with all Sue was going through with her own illness she is a credit to herself, her daughter and of course the star that is Ethel. What a marvellous family.
June 4th - 4:31pmGeorge Scott said...
There was nothing cruel about this fantastic programme especially in the way that Sue and Holly interacted with the lovely old lady. You HAVE to make light of some terrible events for the sanity of everyone involved in these cases. I could not agree with Caroline Brown's comments more.
It is an exceptionally difficult condition for family to deal with - often they are more the victims than the sufferer. My Mother's Alzheimers - in fact Vascular Dementia - lasted 12 years before an undignified death (8 months ago). My sisters and I can identify with many of those conversations and events ... we had some of those conversations almost word for word! I also thank Sue, her daughter and the production team for making this wonderfull programme - it has touched my heart more than anything I have ever seen or read before - I have still not been able to watch it all the way through as I am overcome with tears, grief and joy every time I attempt to see it to the end.
May 26th - 10:45pmCaroline Brown said...
Having lost my mother to this illness almost 18 months ago, I watched this programme with the utmost admiration towards Sue and Holly, you should be very proud of yourselves, particulary Holly, who at such a young age has embraced her grandmother's condition with such love and maturity, whilst being a huge support to her mother, she is an inspiration and an amazing example to teenagers everywhere. Sue need never feel guilty, although she will, as it is a natural process all of us who have to live with and accept this illness into our lives, naturally do. What has angered me are the negative comments posted onto this comments board, all, it appears to be from people who have had no direct involvment with this horrendous illness, and I pray to God they never have to. Save your cheap insults unless you have earned the right to know what you are talking about, and admire and respect what families have to go through, we never stop loving them, no matter what, but that doesn't mean we stop being human and don't find it difficult sometimes. We need your support, not your critism, we don't expect you to understand, just lend your support and accept we need help too. A brave decision, Sue, to film this extraordinary experience, I wish you well and thank you for being brave enough to highlight a very misunderstood and underfunded illness.
May 26th - 8:24pmJudith Etheridge said...
I thought this programme was very cruel. If this had been done to this woman by a stranger, people would have been up in arms. For this daughter to expose her mother to the public in this humiliating way was beyond the pale.
I felt very sorry for the mother, and nothing but contempt for Molly, and her daughter Holly who went along with it.
Molly had no patience, she only had looked after her mother for a short time, and yet lost her temper at something trivial that she said. She obviously has little love for her mother, and appeared to be settling scores for some perceived agreivance from her youth.
She had no understanding of what it is like to be in a position where someone else can demean you, and bully you.
I admired the mother for having the guts to stand up to her daughter, even though the viewer knew it would get her nowhere.
For a so called film maker to not know how the camera worked, just shows how much she relies on the expertise of other people.
Sue should be ashamed of herself.
May 22nd - 11:52pmfraser said...
Amazing programme. I am in the health profession and I thought that Sue did a great Job. She showed what like is like having a loved one with the condition. It was a very honest approach which is needed maybe people will take note and think the next time they see a stranger struggling with a loved one and think what it is like to live with that strain 24/7!!!Do you know how many people that have Alzheimer's and are living in homes hardly ever see a Love one!!!!! I take my Hat off to Sue and Holly. The drive from London to Ayr is not the best however she always makes the effort to see her mother and take her out and not leave her mother institutionalised!!!
I am so delighted that I saw the program; it was the topic of conservation at work and we all the felt the same.
“If you don't laugh you will cry” as the old saying goes and that's what the family did.
Well Done!
May 22nd - 11:46pmLinda Millington said...
I have not experienced Alzheimer's in my family but hope that if I ever do I will be treated with the love,care and compassion from my daughter and granddaughter that was shown on this film. I cried so much for the whole family and what they were going through. Even now if I think about it I start crying again. It was so touching.Thank you for shareing it with us.
May 22nd - 11:00pmIrene said...
"With friends like these who needs enemies". If this is what is considered 'love and respect' no wonder we have major problems in this country and so many people are terrified of becoming 'old'. This was 'abuse', nothing funny or humourous. Heartbreaking.
May 22nd - 11:55amann said...
Found the programme by accident. So appropriate to my family circumstance at present. It was comforting to realise that exepriences with my father are so similar. My father constantly places his age at 40, when we point to the fact that he was 40 years when I was born and I am now 48, his reactions differ dependent on his moods. Some times he laughs if off, on other days a vacant look appears on his face, visibly perturbed, as if seaching the inner reaches of his mind attempting to place what is being said in some contect. My mother has taken longer to accept his memory loss, for her, much of it rests with her having to come to term with, admiting that this person she has spent nearly sixty years of her life with, now at times fails to recognise, but does, however, remember, his grand children that he may not have seen for a considerably period. The progamme made me smile ,cry and is helping me reconcile a little more the fact that we now have my father in a nursing home. It was very hard to watch but on the other hand essential viewing. Thank you Sue Bourne it can't have been easy.
May 21st - 11:48pmJane Seldon said...
I thought the programme was just wonderful. I have a mother with alzheimers who is so like Ethel and makes the same faces and is always smiling. I also did not have the best of relationships when I was younger but like Sue, my relationship with Mum has really developed and I dread the day she will not be with me. I would love to meet or talk with Sue - so if anybody knows her email details please ask her if she would mind if I wrote to her via email.
The love they had for Ethel came across very strongly, so please don't criticise them in any way. It is not easy looking after alzheimic people and especially when you have been ill yourself and are also working - all of which applies to me!!
May 21st - 2:00pmJules said...
I caught this programe just by chance last night and i'm so glad i did.
I lost my nana 6months ago and i've obviously been masking my tears cause i cried start to finish. Sue and her daughter have the exact same sense of humour my family and me shared with my nana.
Amazing programme!, so brave of them all.
Fantastic.
My love goes out to them. xxxxxxx
May 21st - 1:38pms white said...
i hated the programme, Ethel was such a lovely lady, she looked like she was doing very well with her Alzheimers , her daughter and grandaughter treated her with little respect, the daughter was more agressive than Ethel, people with Alzheimers are not accountable for their actions, the sadness in Ethels face was mainly bought on by her daughters reactions to her, i would be ashamed to show the film and i hope to god the grandaughter does not go in for any form of nursing, was her giggling in innapropriate places just nerves, i found the whole thing very disturbing, not so much poor happy Ethol but the daunting daughter, fancy reminging her that her husband was DEAD, the way she stopped the car and nearly sent Ethel into the back seat , i nearly cried for her, Ethel looked so sad and you could see she wanted to get away from her, making her walk in the cold and even push the grandaughter in it, Alzheimers is not something that improves with help and stimulation, they need to be neurtured as a baby would after all this is what happen sufferers reverse back, i have spoken to a few people today and they could not watch it. maybe i missed the plot, but if my dad ever got it i would treat him with the love and respect he would deserve, and however frustrationg he might get there would be nothing i could do to make it better apart from being there.
May 21st - 9:39ambronwen davies said...
I laughed until my sides hurtwhen i watched this programme the humour mixed with sadness I cried when I saw Ethel being given the injection which obviously hurt her, the love and dedication of her daughter was inspiring especially as she had her own demon I would love to meet Sue Bourne to congratulate her personnally for her wonderful view of a terribly cruel disease.( one I fear above all others)
May 20th - 11:49pmwilliam McWhinnie said...
im disgusted and outraged at the way that woman and her daughter treated her mother, the woman obviously didnt know what was goin on and those two so called siblings had the gall to treat this dignified woman like a child, it was nothing short of cruelty, i hope they can live with themselves
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